Addiction, Depression and How Not To Blog

I have succumbed to a terrible, terrible addiction. “CURSE YOU DUNKIN’ DONUTS!” For those of you who don’t know – because you live on one of those rare Saturnine moons that is devoid of a Dunks – Dunkin’ Donuts is a coffee and doughnuts chain that has insidiously seeped from the American North East across the continent and into the universe. Yeah, they have doughnuts, as the name implies, but they mostly do a business in beverages – coffees and cocoa and frozen dealies. Dunks runs are a staple around here, and since I don’t like coffee, I usually end up with the occasional Chai or cocoa (depending on the level of gutrot I can handle that morning). Well now they’ve introduced ‘fresh brewed iced green tea’ to their menu and DEAR GLOB. It’s not fair.

And it’s really tea, too. It’s UNSWEETENED and COMES WITH REAL LEMON WEDGES IN IT. Seriously. I love tea, and iced tea, but I have to make it myself because I hate stuff in it. I like it bitter, and strong. Like my soul. So I rarely get it from commercial or outside sources as it will inevitably be sweetened with HFCS, doused with preservatives and taste nothing like tea. (Don’t even get me started on ‘sweet tea’.) But now Dunks is selling it in convenient gallon sized cups with straws sticking out of it. So I’ve been downing those at an expensive and alarming rate. Sufficed to say I’m so strung that I’m left with no choice but to quit them cold turkey. If you can call purchasing a Cuppow, stainless steel straws and mason jars to start my own refrigerator iced tea production line going cold turkey. I feel so damn guilty with the whole people spending a lot of money on me to support my addiction (which is just an excuse to enable their own coffee addictions), and the waste produced by the straws and cups that I’ve had to take matters into my own hands.

If you haven’t already, I suggest you invest in a Cuppow. Not only are they awesome and help decrease waste, but they are completely U.S. made products: they are designed, created and produced out of Somerville, MA, manufactured in MA, and even their packaging is printed and designed in Somerville. So it’s sorta green and sorta local. And awesome. And I swear I’ve sung the praises of Cuppow so much that they should pay me already.

paperwhites

So now that that idiotic rant about iced tea is spent, let’s move on to more fun things. Like morbid depression. Yes folks, I am fukkin depressed. Why you ask? Well, I suspect genes, mostly. I also suspect my current life situation is just a bit… shit. So that isn’t helping anything.

Being depressed fucks things up. I mean, I’m a depressed sort as it is, but now I’m depressed on top of my normal down self. Double Depressed, as Oogie Boogie would say. This means that instead of trudging through but accomplishing things, I’m now not accomplishing much of anything. So all of my projects have been shelved, and I’m just barely reading or doing school and that’s about it. It’s maddening because I don’t want to do nothing; I really want to do things. It’s frustrating. I even broke out the new art set I got at IKEA – basically because I couldn’t be bothered to pull out my Windsor-Newton – and tried to art it up with my bargain bin watercolors, but couldn’t get into it, much to my chagrin. (Quick side note – In all honestly, if you want to see the worst of humanity, go to IKEA on a weekend.)

Now I’m pursuing drastic measures – a.k.a. therapy. This is a rather big deal for me as my past history with therapy isn’t that great. I wrote this huge, dark blag about it, but like most of what I write for here, I haven’t posted it.

It’s funny, I do that a lot. I also take things off and put things back on, or not. This is half because I just want to write and half because I don’t need the attention – like I am not writing a blog for people to even read. Does that make sense? I’m not garnering readers (although I am truly grateful for the ones I have, so long as they are genuine and not trolls or spammers trying to sell me blog-building tools), and I’m not a journalist. I just want to write. So I often question how healthy it is putting stuff out there, but then at the same time, at least I’m doing something and putting it somewhere.

So I’m probably going to post a long depressing thing about why I have issues with the mental health profession soon. But not now. Now I am going to leave you with this handy playlist and that sour taste in your mouth you get after reading one of my posts.

Grizzly Bear – The Hunt
Grizzly Bear – While You Wait For The Others (Live on KCRW)
The Kinks – Sunny Afternoon
Donovan – Sunshine Superman
Christopher Andrews – Yesterday Man
The Supremes – The Happening
The Box Tops – The Letter
Leonard Cohen – So Long Marianne
Dusty Springfield – You Don’t Have To Say You Love Me
Aretha Franklin – I Never Loved A Man (The Way I Love You)
Cold Blood – I’m A Good Woman / Let Me Down Easy

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