Drunken Witches and Free E-Book Roulette

Saturday I was accosted on a street in Salem, MA by an intoxicated underage witch, who informed me (as best as she could, the lamb) that even though I had gotten the same flier and free passes to a local event from two other young witches on my journey, the identical flier that she wanted to give me was better. I could not discern why, or what exactly the point of her slurring was, but she tried in all earnest, dammit, and for that I give her props. As she stumbled away, swaying lightly across the street and into the crowd standing in front of the Peabody Essex Museum (it was only 2PM, after all), I refrained from photographing her awesomeness, out of respect for sober underage witch, who I hoped would appear sometime the next day okay and unmolested, although perhaps a little worse for wear as hangovers are a bitch.

This is not my photo. I will replace it with one of the many I took but have yet to upload. Thanks to whoever originally posted this lovely thing.

I will report later with a much more boring, long-winded, albeit amusing tale about going to the Salem Witch Museum on Museum Day.

But for now I am busy making preparations for my BFF’s fancy dress birthday party, where I will be beta testing my costume:  fat Death of the Endless. I promise to post photos, which will be something remarkable as pictures of me are rare indeed (it’s no accident that I’m the photographer), and will rarely occur here. So, until then, enjoy this little tidbit:

I have invented a new game for my Kindle (the essence of which can be applied to all e-Reading devices) which I have named Free E-Book Roulette. The rules are simple: go to your regular e-Book dealer (amazon.com for example) and enter “Free E-Books” in the search bar. You will see a lot of books and documents about how to find Free E-Books that you have to pay for (nice trick, that), but you will also see a lot of random free books. Now, without reading about the genre, the summary, anything, buy the book. Madness I know. Then, skipping straight to the actual story, read the book. This is the roulette of it all. See, I have found that after eliminating the obvious classics, the books you will find will be a mix of 50% erotic novel, 25% crazy religious-based book (theory, romance, fiction, zealous proclamation), and 25% everything else (everything being paranormal or sci-fi in nature and in any flavors including: young adult and romance). The game here is figuring out which of the 50% you get. Because the erotica can disguise itself as anything in the other 50% – including religious proclamation. It’s crazy.

So I know what you’re thinking. Why would I do this to myself? I seem like a reasonably intelligent gal, and this game seems seriously ridiculous. Well, I’ll tell you why (and it is not because I like erotic fiction. I only read erotic fiction when I want a good laugh, and even then I have to read it aloud, which makes me laugh all the more as I don’t live alone).  It is because I have read over 100 books so far this year (no shet), and after number 100 – which was an excruciatingly long dissertation on the CERN LHC, I have decided to take my brain cells in the opposite direction. It is an experiment to see if the supercharged brain cells which absorbed the LHC fun facts will meet the negatively charged brain cells reading the roulette books (which, let’s face it, are fun – but free for a reason) and annihilate. I look forward to the results and will post them here if I have any functioning cells left to work with.

In the meantime, it’s actually quite fun if you like to read. Most of the free books are rather short and rather devoid of proper grammar (and editors, I expect). So go play.

I’ll come back and properly annoy the earth with new and thrilling posts about the 100+ books, my BFF’s party, candy making and my trip to Salem.
If you can’t wait til then, I suggest you read this amusing rant about my neighbors possibly fracking or this one about how much it sucks to be a vampire and how everyone should donate blood all the time so I don’t go hungry. The end.


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